There’s a long list of phrases that an adoptive parent hears on a regular basis that can drive you batty. You hear questions like “Did you meet her real parents?” (We are her real parents, so of course!) or “Are they sisters?” (Well, they have the same mommy and daddy, me and Emily, so, yes, they are sisters). But, then, there’s the one comment that we’ve heard that may not make us angry, but does make us feel sorry for the person who asked. ”They are so lucky to have parents like you” or “They are so lucky to have a chance.” Now, these statements may seem innocent, but they put a bit of unnecessary grandeur on us as the parents. My wife and I always reply that the truth is, we are the lucky ones – blessed in fact.
As my wife and I have been reading through the Bible this year, our reading plan brought us to Deuteronomy over the last month, and there’s a wonderful passage that I came across that really drives home this reality. In Deuteronomy 9:4-6, it says:
After the Lord your God has driven them out before you, do not say to yourself, “The Lord has brought me here to take possession of this land because of my righteousness.” No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord is going to drive them out before you. It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the Lord your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Understand, then, that it is not because of your righteousness that the Lord your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stiff-necked people.
Now, this passage is not about adoption nor is it about parenting – it is about God blessing a people for reasons other than their own actions. God is certainly blessing us through the gift of our children, but we have to be careful not to read into it – more often than not, blessings from God are not based on our actions. If they were, then the whole idea behind Christianity would be wrong. As followers of Christ, we understand that it is God’s grace, his offer, his willingness that saves us and not our works. Our children may be blessed to have us as parents, but as we struggle daily with understanding what it means to parent, what it means to serve others, and what it means to demonstrate Christ to our children, we are indeed the ones that should feel blessed. God could have chosen a different family for our little girls. God could have done many things. But, he chose to allow us the privilege to become parents. We, then, are the lucky ones!
So true…we ARE the lucky ones. I never know what to say when people say that to me. Thanks for sharing.
Hi
I am a friend of Carine’s and through a rabbit trail on FB ended up reading a bit about you and your wife. I loved this post. We adopted two boys and get this comment a lot. I love the passage you quoted and might steal it to put on my blog. That is such a good perspective. I feel blessed beyond words to have our sons in our life and I don’t feel l did anything to make me worthy of this other than seek God’s will. Thanks for your insight.
Moira