Adoption always raises questions in people’s minds. Sometimes it’s curiosity about how the process works. Sometimes it’s about the relationship between biological and non-biological parenthood. For the rest of the summer, I’m going to spend time answering some of these questions. Some are personal, so, we’ll do our best to present the answers in ways that help others understand that everyone should consider adoption.
This week’s question is a big one – “Why did we adopt?” Whenever an adoptive parent hears this question, there’s two ways to answer – the idealogical answer or the practical answer.
THE PRACTICAL ANSWER
First, the practical. We adopted because we were unable to give birth to children ourselves. My wife was born with a genetic condition called Turner Syndrome. The story of the discovery of this condition and the events that followed are her story to tell – but let’s just say that it is a miracle she is here. Only 1% of Turner Syndrome children are ultimately born into the world (nearly every one is miscarried). But, God allowed my darling to be born, and her life has been a testimony to his goodness.
We knew from the start we were an infertile couple and didn’t have to spend heart-wrenching months and years trying to conceive a child like so many of our friends. We knew without a doubt that our children would come through adoption.
THE IDEALOGICAL ANSWER
The idealogical answer for why we adopted wasn’t always apparent to us. We knew that God calls everyone who says they follow Christ to take care of widows and orphans (James 1:27). We all see many lonely, unloved children in the world and most of us want to be able to do something to help. In truth, there are few of us who take that next step to consider adoption.
But adoption stretches our understanding of family, parenting and genetics in ways that clarifies and enhances each. We didn’t have this as a reason for our first adoption, but it certainly played a part in our second adoption.
My family is originally from the mountains of western North Carolina, in an area far removed from the hint of city life. My wife’s family is mostly from the Pacific Northwest. Our children won’t be carrying on the genetics of these two families, but they certainly will carry on our morals, values, and faith stories. They will also carry on the stories and advice of their grandparents and great-grandparents – although their genetics will be different. Family, therefore, isn’t just based on DNA, but on relationships. My wife and I have only been married for 5 years, but we are very much family. My daughters have known their grandmothers for just a couple of years, but they are very much family. We have friends who have been involved in our lives, supporting us for years, and our daughters are being taught to call them aunts and uncles – because they truly are part of our family.
The idea of parenting is also stretched and expanded because of adoption. When you know every moment of every day that the children you have are a blessing from God, your perspective changes. I can only imagine (although I haven’t experienced it) that many parent can feel a bit of ownership in a biological child (just remember the court battles you have heard about concerning paternity, or the times you’ve heard a parent reinforce their authority because they ‘brought the child into this world.’). Adoptive parents don’t have any claim of this ownership, except that the state has recognized them as parents. More importantly though, they are reminded that God has given them this child to raise.
Emily and I chose adoption first to grow our family and then discovered its value in further defining God, family and parenting in our lives. What’s your reasons for either choosing adoption or for considering it? Post a comment below to let us know.
